is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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