I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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