That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
