please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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