i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
