Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
