i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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