Duck Duck Cougar?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How does one acquire holy water?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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