I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I AM VODKA MAN
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
