Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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