totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
should my penis look like a turkey
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
