btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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