We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
