New invention idea: vibrating tampons
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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