The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I want her autograph on my taint
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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