I just pynch a tree in the face
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
