OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
