I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
