Can Purell be used as lube?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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