His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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