I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
