I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
