why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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