My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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