Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
