His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
