I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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