Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
