all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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