I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize