Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
