Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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