I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
