I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
