My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
