i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
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My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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