i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
