Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
try to milk me bitch
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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