i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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