4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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