there was a trapeze. enough said
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
