I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
