Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
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He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
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2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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