return my video game
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
