He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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