i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he was CRYING into my vagina
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
