Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
