I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
