He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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