I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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