I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
