It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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