I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
