one might say we're banned from that church
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
