I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
