The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
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I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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