So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
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the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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