Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
