I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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