Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize