When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
