Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
