Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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