I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
