I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
