I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
