So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
