I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
