They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
