You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
