I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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