There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
