is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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