i was born a porn star she said
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
