He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
