he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Pooping to opera.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
