Got a toothbrush?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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