I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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